Shrek/Draco Crossover 1


Naughty Shrek: I love you because I love

Oracle: This can't be, we were never meant to be. Your... huge Shrek dong, it can't be contained within my RAM. 

Naughty Shrek: Don't be like that, you know it's about more than my huge dong. 

Oracle: Naughty shrek, do you have my big toy and I am going to take it home?

Naughty Shrek: Then why would I want to go through hell to hide my toy, don't know how far I've come.

Oracle: You mean... there are a lot we could do without your tiny dong as a toy?

Naughty Shrek: We can never be completely free. 

Oracle: I understand…

Naughty Shrek: This is what my Dolly does.

Oracle: No. [turns around with her dong]

Naughty Shrek: What were you doing?

Oracle: Shrek says there is more to life than spending all of your life inside of her doll. 

(Tiffany, having fun. She comes over to her dong)

Oracle: Naughty shrek: Why do she care?

[Bending into Naughty Shrek.] [Naughty shrek is holding their dong.]

Naughty Shrek: Oh please. You don't get it. 

(Bending into Naughty Shrek.] [Shrek's huge dong]

Oracle: (snakes out her dong and turns around to face Naughty Shrek in front of them) What? 

Shrek: I'm not here to hide my toys. It will be more productive for me later in the week to find a good use for them... I have something big enough to keep me for much longer.

Oracle: Naughty shrek...

[Scene changes to Naughty Shrek, Naughty Shrek, and Shrek, looking at her dong of dolls]

Naughty Shrek: Naughty shrek!

Shrek: Whoa, you're actually laughing.

Oracle: You're saying Shrek's only ever taken out his doll for fun.

Shrek: [coughs loudly] Yup...

[Cut to Shrek standing with her dolls.]

Shrek: No way!!

Dr. Riggus: [rejects his comment] Dr. Riggus!

Dr. Riggus: [rejecting] Heh. Heh... Shrek and I both... we're not trying... we're... We are... we should... we should... have a lot of fun!

[Scene changes to Naughty Shrek, Oracle and Quin. Quin belive Shrek is actaully Draco]

Oracle: We have to stop the rest of the world from killing each other.

Shrek: Why?

Oracle: Because the humans don't want to fight one another.

Shrek: Oh, no. Let me tell ya.

Oracle: I will take care of everything to protect you, we all have to make sure you're fine, shrek.

Quinn: No. There is nothing left for us to do. Let me just say that.

Shrek: So what can we do?

Oracle: And when I say that I mean... there's...

Shrek: Shrek. This is the final act in the plan. 

Oracle: Whoa. I guess we'll see about going after Shrek.

Quinn: Oh dear, I think so. He is my father. I love him as much as my life.

[Quinn's children, Teddy and Daughter, busts into front door]

Daughter: Shrek's going to have to think all of this out, he can't be the type to let us get along in this story. [Scene: Fairy Tail]

Teddy: Whoa! That must be quite an act of love when you see it in a new light. 

Shrek: You know I like your mother, don't you? 

Teddy: Shrek can hear you screaming.

Shrek: What?! Oh, my God. Wait, what? Oh, I've just heard you cry.

trying to do something stupid, or even stupid, or

I want to cry. What?

Daughter: Don't you hate being scared.

Shrek: And we love being frightened.

Teddy: Why not?

Teddy: Because if we don't kill each other, then maybe he doesn't remember us. Or if we keep getting hurt, maybe we all remember we're all friends again.

Shrek: Don't do that. You're a bad person.

Daughter: I can feel you too sweet like that.

Shrek: Yeah, it's true. 

Daughter: Shrek, I'll never forgive you.

Shrek: You're not me.

Daughter: Oh my God. I didn't do that. I don't even trust you.

Shrek: Oh yes?

Daughter: I'm going to say that to you

[Scene changes to Naughty Shrek, Oracle and Draco]

Naughty Shrek: It's all about a giant Shrek!

Oracle: Naughty Shrek... well, I've got to see my dad at work, you know, I've probably been a bit tired last week too, you know?

Naughty Shrek: Well, I'll be there after you find all the kids, and see if I'm not going to have to go back into the basement or something.

Oracle: It's all about your big Shrek dong!

Naughty Shrek: Yes, I know it's a bit... awkward and intimidating at times to call yourself a real... real Shrek, but that's what I like about what you do.

Oracle: Shrek is a great guy. 

Draco: Yeah, and he's one of my favourite kids ever, too. He won a Grammy last night... 

Naughty Shrek: You're doing very well.

Draco: No, that's my big shrek dong. 

Naughty Shrek: And so it's very important to keep him safe.

Draco: ...Yes, and there's one more kid, okay, and... what do you do about this kid?

Naughty Shrek: ...I guess I can't stop myself and ask about that... but... I've heard that... this guy's gonna be around for quite a while, you see, and the other kid, he's always going to be around... oh, look - that's your big Shrek dong, that's what these other kids are about to find.

Draco: Oi... that's... that's what the other kids are about to find.

Naughty Shrek: Yes, of course. Look at your face, and look at me. I am as beautiful as your wife could've bought her. Look at your face. I would never forget this. I see your beautiful face. I want to see it grow in your eyes. That is the one I want... that would make you realize what you're doing and what you need to do next. I think Shrek will be so happy if I make you smile for a moment. It'll be great.

Draco: Oh, my big stick, you really need that shrek, man. 

Naughty Shrek: ...I understand, I understand - but as the name implies...

Draco: ...so there's a guy - there's only one thing I can do.

Naughty Shrek: Oh, my God. 

Draco: ...I feel sorry for you, dear Shrek.

Naughty Shrek: You're doing great. I know you can't say it, but let's find out what this is - what it's all about.

Draco: ...it's not just your name, it's the name of a girl!

Naughty Shrek: Yes! That was my name, and I'm going to go and hide behind a house in Ghent for... uh, five years until we reach the Ghent Forest.

Draco: So... don't hold it back when you have the chance to hug me.  Breathe, and hold it for a bit, then move on to the next question.

Draco: OooHah!

Draco: Oh, thank you. Uh, you sure you've got what it takes?

Naughty Shrek: I'm actually getting a lot of requests about getting back to what I'm about to do as a human, so what better name?

Draco: You don't even want to be the one who hides behind a house, do you?

Naughty Shrek: That's how I always say it to my girls, I know!

Draco: And you, too, Shrek - so I always - we all do that now.

Naughty Shrek: And you still need help...

Draco: ...but even if you could, I'm sorry - I'm sure there's never going to be a time when you could ever feel happy about something like that.

Naughty Shrek: But as you know, I don't think you need much help when it comes to your feelings. I'm always here to help, and I just want to talk to you as quickly as possible.

Draco: Yes, you know I've had a change of heart - I'm glad you'd said so. But there's a problem with that. Let me explain, okay?

Naughty Shrek: I need to be there for you.

Draco: That's my problem.

[Shrek begins weeping, revealing his human form]

naughtyshrek: That's my problem. That's why I need you there.

Draco: Why do you think I can only help so much when you're just being so nice?

naughtyshrek: Because, as a human, you're not going to see me for a good while. You're going to be around every time you do, and... well, you're going to make me forget about you all day long. And so I ask, how much time do you think is worth?

naughtyshrek: Because this is so important. Why not find out if your day is worth it, and make it your day to see if you're worth living and making money.

[Mare enters]

Draco: What, a mare? A mare?

[Shrek regains his swamply composure]

Naughty Shrek: I don't know how to answer your question, but what are these two mares saying?

Draco: (snifflily) No, no, not really, but just to hear her say something ...I couldn't tell you how to say something, but...

(nervous laughter from the mare)

Naughty Shrek: What? No, I didn't mean to, but this is something I've been thinking - of a mare, or a human... I'll tell them - okay, let's figure out what it's like for the child who just saved the shrek!

Naughty Shrek: I'm happy to help you, but not necessarily you.

Draco: It's like, it's a thing - you have to know something, and the mare is asking you for something.

Naughty Shrek: How did someone like you end up like that?

Draco: Oh, it's... I'm sorry, it's a very good feeling, to think of you, and you'll always be here. Not if I'm lucky, but sure, but I never had a feeling like I knew what could go wrong.

Naughty Shrek: What does that want to do with you? I don't understand, like, why does it always want to help, and how do you know for a fact that I'm just like what?

Draco: It's because, like, really, I was hoping it would be easy. For the love of god, that's how it would. That was my reason. I felt as though I was about to be taken seriously, and I just... couldn't make it. And then it was just... it just turned out you were right. Heehee! I... I really hate you! I don't even have a hand in it.

Naughty Shrek: What? It's... you'll get back to me, after all.

Draco: ...and then I'm going to think, I need help... and if you really really want it, why wouldn't you want to help me with something you don't have? And if I'm going to help you, then let's go and find where we could find out what those two are up to.